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Circular letter 7 (november 2002) |
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Date: Mon, 04 Nov 2002 14:15:09 +0100
Greetings from The Netherlands. I assume that you have heard about
Lucy's demise by now. On the 5th of October I sent a short circular
letter to all overseas friends whose email addresses were known to me.
For those who did not receive my message directly or heard about it
through friends or co-workers, I send my message again: As you probably knew Lucy's condition gradually worsened during August and September. Especially the last two weeks of September she weakened rapidly. As a result she could not be present on the marriage of our youngest son Bas and his fiancée Ida on the 26th of September. Lucy and I agreed that nevertheless I would attend the wedding and deliver the marriage speech, which we had prepared together. Apparently Lucy saved all her remaining strengths to 'attend' the wedding from her sickbed. She was still able to enjoy the digital photographs that were made, admired Bas and Ida in their wedding outfit when they visited her the next day, and listened to their stories and those of family members who were present at the wedding. We are very grateful that - despite Lucy's situation - their wedding day was a day of happiness. The days following the wedding her condition deteriorated quickly. For many weeks she had only been able to take very small quantities of food already (the tumour in her belly affected her stomach). Gradually she could only take little bits of fluid food. She felt her death would not take much longer. On Wednesday evening, the 2nd of October, she asked me 'to light the candle'. For me that was the sign to start the farewell liturgy we had discussed over the last few weeks. My children, grandson and our neighbours (who are very close friends) assembled around her bed. I lit the liturgical candle that we received from the congregation of the Reformed Church in Muiden when we moved to Amersfoort in 1990. We sang the Taize song “In our darkness, light up the fire that never dies” and Bonhoeffer's song "By gracious pow'rs so wonderfully sheltered and confidently waiting come what may, we know that God is with us night and morning and never fails to greet us each new day." I said a prayer and explained to my grandson that his grandmother Lucy would go on her last travel. After I told Lucy that we all loved her and wished her a safe journey she fell asleep. The next day Lucy only regained consciousness during very short periods. That evening, on the 3rd of October, she smiled of happiness about her 'liberation' that had come and died in peace. On the 8th of October we held a one-hour service in our church in Amersfoort that was attended by about 300 people from very different circles. Family, relatives and friends, former colleagues of Lucy and myself, neighbours from the various places we lived, members of the congregation in Amersfoort, etc. The pastor had prepared the liturgy in close consultation with my children and me. Given Lucy's wish the service did not pay much attention to what she had done; she did not like to be praised. In a sober address I gave a brief history of her past, explaining that her whole life had been connected with mission and world service, starting in 1940 when she was born as the only child of parents who were working as missionaries on the island of Sumba (East Indonesia). She was driven by a deep-rooted wish to contribute to a better, more liveable, world for all. I also informed those attending the church service about Lucy’s gratefulness for the many letters, postcards and emails she received in recent months from friends in the Netherlands and other parts of the world, especially from India and Indonesia. She was deeply touched by the many token of thankfulness, love and affection that reached her. As we wrote in our circular letter of early September already, we felt as a result 'wonderfully sheltered by gracious forces' (Bonhoeffer). I continued to explain that beside those who were physically present at the church service also others attended the service. Many good friends in India and Indonesia were with us mentally at that very dear moment. According to her wish to symbolise the presence of these faraway friends her coffin was covered with a ‘puan’, a traditional shawl woven especially for Lucy by Pari, the wife of Reverend Dinga, one of the pastors of the Presbyterian Church in North-east India. On the coffin were also white orchids (phalaenopsis amabilis) that symbolised both the bond between Lucy and myself (since these flowers were part of her bridal bouquet) and also our relationship with Indonesia. On the day of Lucy's demise I promised my grandson Bjorn (April 1997) that together we would compile a small 'booklet' about grandmother Lucy in order to keep her memory alive for both him and his younger sister Dewi (December 1999). He told me that the drawings, which he and Dewi made for grandmother Lucy, should also be part of the booklet. I have promised him that I would ask the people attending the church service (as well as those who could not be present) to entrust some of their memories of his grandmother to paper. Ten days ago we have started compiling photographs, drawings and small stories of Lucy in a folder. It will be one of the ways to keep Lucy's remembrance alive. As I wrote earlier: "We very much loved her and now we have lost her. She is no longer where she was, but always where we are." Currently I am trying to put my life together again. As you may understand that is not easy. Lucy and I were married for 35 years. We were happy and our love and ideals remained strongly over the years. Now I have to do it on my own without her love, companionship and wisdom. The name Lucia means 'light bearer', someone who brings light. Till the end of her life she continued to be my light bearer. She always brought light in her very special way. Not with many words, but mainly through her attitude and deeds. Like my brother and sisters wrote: 'she was a quiet force in the family'. Two weeks ago I underwent the chemotherapy treatment that had been postponed due to Lucy's serious condition. Fortunately, the treatment did not come with problematic side- or after-effects (the flu that struck me last week is unrelated). My long-term prospects are uncertain. Earlier this year, I was on the brink of death two times, but miraculously recovered. I am grateful that as a result I could stand with Lucy during her last months. May be, I still have other tasks waiting for me. Lucy's demise is an enormous handicap in keeping up individual contacts with all friends. Each of us had a wide network of contacts, which we maintained together. Given my own medical condition the task of keeping up all these contacts is simply too heavy. That was also the reason why I decided to write circular letters in the first place. It is simply not possible to write personal messages to all the people who offered their condolences after the church service and the 200 persons who wrote condolence letters, cards and emails. I beg for your understanding. Also on behalf of my sons and their wives I send you our warm greetings. Gerard Dulfer |
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